The Blessing of Brokenness

Once again, I have been awoken by a crying baby.  My body seems to crash easily in the evening throwing me into deep sleep, and I fell asleep fully expecting an uninterrupted night.  At the sound of tears, I glanced at the clock to see one something on my clock.  Really?  Maybe this will pass.  She did this last night then fell back asleep.  No, the cries intensified and my loving husband rolled out of bed to check on her distress.  If it were me, I would have let her cry.  I am trying to train her body to eat in the morning and sleep at night.  This having worked yesterday, I assumed the jet lag was over.  Not so much.  The compassion of a father heard her hunger through the tears and fed her a full bottle which was gone in minutes.  She was famished!  The downside...her clock has been reset.  So has mine.  I took over in the rocker so he could sleep, took her to the potty then back to soothe her back into dreamland.  Nope...she was fully awake.  So I just held her in the dark and rocked.  She flopped back and forth like a little fishy, rubbing her eyes and grabbing my face in an attempt to play even though she was exhausted.  After laying her in her crib and waiting for her to fall asleep, I was met with more cries.  She must wonder what this strange place is...the new shadows, the emptiness of the room, the bars on her crib.  Finally, the dries turned to whimpers then subsided into sleep again.  Time for coffee and time with the Lord. 

I have been reading a book by Nancy Leigh DeMoss over the past few months called Brokenness, Surrender, Holiness.  It has been a welcome companion, yet more so in the past few days.  This morning I came to a deeper appreciation for my own brokenness and the joy that it can bring when fully embraced.  In praying a brokenness over my son, I came to realize the blessing my own brokenness brings to my family.  As I allow myself to be broken before the Father, that is when the Spirit can shine through.  I have fully been aware of my weaknesses and have learned to count them as joy knowing that in my weaknesses, Jesus is made strong.  But today, the relevance felt much deeper and saturated my heart.  After laying in bed this morning making a mental list of things needing to be done and feeling overwhelmed by the lack of control I have to accomplish them, the Lord was kind to help me rejoice in that and be thankful that my life is full of chaos and imperfections.  He changed my perspective and gave me deep joy.  Suddenly, my heart was thankful and hopeful for my day and my family.  Lord, make me like a broken cistern whose cracks and crevices make way for your light to shine through.  May I see those as a grace and embrace them for the sake of your power through me.